Theeee End

I can't believe that we've reached our last class. No seriously...I really can't. Where did the time go?

Reflecting on the past 4 weeks gives me a great appreciation for Boice, and for the help I've accumulated from his advice.

I think the mindful practices and behaviors I've gradually spun into my writing have also found their way into my every day life as well. It's amazing how different the world can appear if you take the time to notice it.

The most beneficial aspects of the past four weeks have been a combination of guided meditation and identifying the sociological blocks that manifest in our writing. I think our class had a really productive dynamic, and hearing the journey through your writing processes assisted mine as well.
Writing is a skill that can be nurtured just like any other. I know this now.

I look forward to reading everyone's final portfolio.

Chapter 4 is my favorite so far...Whoa, we're already on chapter 4?

Monday 

I'm glad Boice explained the purpose of the Woodsworth quote. I've never been much of a poetry kind of gal, so I was worried this chapter wouldn't be as helpful when I saw that sitting at the top.

Did anyone else feel a little...too, in sync with this chapter? I probably shouldn't be thrilled that I drifted through these words thinking "OH MAN I totally get this!". But I am, because even if you don't suffer from depression (which I don't at the moment, but have in the past), you probably know someone who has.

I can always count on Boice to be practical; he draws convincing conclusions from well depicted experiences and avoids giving any extreme advice to better the writing process. I appreciate anyone who can articulate their beliefs well, even if I don't agree (which I didn't at times during chapter 4).  
At times I felt it was a little too "black and white". I think this is a difficult topic to cover, and I'm not sure I would fully embrace any author that defines and categorizes depression and related concepts in this manner. That being said, it was still my favorite reading thus far, if only for tapping into a subject matter that doesn't receive the attention it deserves.

Exploring the complexity of depression and the influence it can hold over writing complemented chapter 3 very appropriately. It served as a nice follow up. I think it carefully pealed back the layers of a common issue that sees such little daylight. It's refreshing to acknowledge its presence and gain a greater understanding of how it can affect the writing process. I think it would have made for a much easier chapter to simply write "bottle up those emotions and ignore them as best you can while you write!". Luckily, Boice opted for a more useful route, and described how finding equilibrium between managing and suppressing emotions is key.

Playing Catch Up - Friday's Blog! Ch 3 pg 113-118

Friday, Ch 3

"When we chronically act in self defeating ways, when we stumble over stupidities that are only partially visible, we cannot improve our confidence and self-esteem"

I think relating sociological concepts to understand writing blocks was really helpful. It's really simple to identify what self-defeating behaviors apply to each of us. Or at least it was for me! Maybe because I have so many...don't we all? We're human, after all.

I think such a remarkable part of developing mindful writing practices is the honesty you learn to channel within yourself. Awareness allows you to really dig into the depth of your words. Or, show you that...you don't have much depth at all. Maybe everything you've just written is a product of various writing blocks. Maybe you thought it was a masterpiece until you embraced a certain level of consciousness. Or maybe, just maybe, it IS a masterpiece! Point being, study of personal self-defeating behaviors enables you to understand the difference.

My writing has steadily improved, or so I would like to think, and I know that appreciating my flaws was essential throughout this process. That's another point I wanted to make - learning to appreciate your flaws. It's similar to strengthening your meditation technique. The goal of meditation isn't necessarily to clear your mind. You still notice sounds. You still feel vibrations from the floor. You might have just remembered that you left your front door unlocked, before Donna reminds you to return to the breath. This doesn't mean you're a failure at meditating. It means that you're human. The same rules apply for self-defeating behaviors. You still doubt yourself at times. You still dwell over insignificant details. You might undermine your writing capabilities completely, just because of one measly sentence, before you remind yourself to take a break and give yourself some credit for what you've completed so far. This doesn't mean you're a failure at writing. It means that you're human.

I would agree that most self-inflicted mind states that are less than positive affect almost every activity we do on a regular basis. Writing is no different. Our shortcomings manifest themselves into our words. Once you notice that you're doing it....I mean, once you really notice it, you feel completely inadequate for not recognizing it earlier! So, something I took away from this section which wasn't outwardly stated....is, embrace the fact that you're human. Acknowledge your imperfections. IT'S OKAY.


I don't know if that made any sense at all. But forgive me, because I'm human.

I'm alive

Greetings from plague-girl. Two days spent in urgent care and they still don't know what's wrong with me. I'm a little loopy so I'll catch up on my blogging later tonight. 

   

BDS

Today my BDS starting out frustrating but ended on a high note. I think I may have sat down in a bad mood after an argument with my landlord.

I was glancing over my outline preparing to begin a new paragraph. This is one I had been dreading because it required a ton of sources. Citations. Sigh. I looked at my scribbled notes from class that highlighted the writing problem blocks we have been discussing. Apprehension noted.

Another item I focussed on was ensuring my writing was speaking to the correct audience, not just me.
I consciously wrote with those two factors in mind and also discovered another method that helped.

During my 5 minute break, I re-read the assignment instructions. Of course I knew what they were, but re-reading them trained my brain to think about the project more specifically than I had been. What better way to ensure your writing is meeting the expectations of your professor? The assignment sheet is a great reference to use.

I realize this sounds a little dumb. Of course the assignment sheet is a good reference, your thinking. Duh, your thinking. But reading it slowly, thoroughly, and reading it again, is a great memory to have in mind when you return to writing. It fuels your critical thinking, and forces you to question if the sentences your writing are valuable. It's a good way to exclude anything that appears to be good but doesn't serve much of a purpose(like those sentences with unnecessary embellished vocabulary that college kids squeeze into papers to stretch out the page count).

My writing was quite mindful today.

#13 - isn't this an unlucky number?

"Make a habit of writing amid comfortable, moderately uninterrupted conditions where all you do is writing" 

This is a challenge. To create a relaxed atmosphere with few distractions where all I focus on is writing...I might have to rent a storage unit and put a desk in there or something.

I find that writing on my laptop causes a few strains. My eyes hurt if I stare at the screen too long. My left pinky always cramps. And as for interruptions, I can't remember the last time my internet had only one window open. I always have tabs at the top for my email and an assortment of random tabs that I didn't close from unusual google searches.  (I looked up how to chop up a pineapple this morning. The pre-cut containers are so over-priced!)


There is also mention of getting into a habit of writing at the same time every day. This is tough. My day to day activities vary. I'm usually busy from 9am-6pm every day with class and work. 

And then of course, the unpredictable. A trip to urgent care. A meeting with the landlord to get the air conditioning fixed. There's always something unplanned that sneaks into my day and rudely snatches a portion of my time. 

I think I will try to make 8pm my time to write. 

Self Assessment

I found the assessment blocks to be very telling. I recognized certain characteristics that I've know about for quite some time. I don't procrastinate as much as I used to, but old habits die hard. I get anxious about writing and I build it up to be more complex than it really is in my head. But one of them really stuck out to me that I don't believe I've recognized before.

Writing for myself instead of my audience. Guilty as charged. I find it really difficult to produce something completely objective. I'm going to blame some of this on my major (political science), but I should be able to analyze information and explain it without placing my own opinions in it.

I always unintentionally insert my perception. I decide what the main points are. I select what's important and exclude things I consider irrelevant.

This doesn't pose a problem for one of the writing assignments I'm working on, but it does for another (which is a research paper on the role media plays during the policy making process).


Going forward, I know I need be mindful of what the assignment is instead of reconstructing it to accommodate the argument I'm trying to make.

So far, so good

So, we have learned how to better our pre-writing skills and how to inspire our creative side.

I hate to relate writing to mathematics, but I'm starting to look at the writing process as a math lesson we've all learned: word problems. (The writing process...a word problem...I love puns!)

There are many possible combinations to validate that 8 + 2 is 10.

1+1 = 2. So that must mean that 1+1+8 is 10.
4+4 = 8. So that must mean that 4+4+2 is 10.

There are many possible combinations of mindful approaches to pre-writing that can produce a favorable outline. We'll consider a favorable outline to be a correct answer.

"With motivation and imagination operating efficiently, we are ready, more than ready, to move from prewriting to writing" (80)

As we've learned, motivation and imagination can be improved by range of different practices. This leads us to trust that so long as both motivation and imagination are operating efficiently, regardless of what method was used to get to that point, we can expect a good outline.

We can begin to understand now that you don't have to be brilliant to be a mathematician. It requires practice of techniques that yield the correct result. You don't have to be brilliant to be a good, mindfully aware writer, either. It requires practice of techniques that produce good results.

I thought I would reiterate that I've been reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, as I've said on previous blogs (and complained about during class). The book draws a lot of similarities to Boice.

It's a really compelling look at what leads to success. Gladwell argues that people who achieve something truly remarkable were not born with some magical gene that determines greatness. The best hockey players in the world were not born with supersonic ice skating skills. A beam of holy light to grant the gift of genius did not appear in the delivery room when Bill Gates was born. These people have had a series of advantages and an unbelievable amount of practice throughout their lifetimes that allowed them to excel in particular skills.

Of course, this is not to undermine their abilities. But it is to say that they were born no different than you and I.

We can train ourselves to become mindfully aware. We can train ourselves to produce great pre-writes. We can train ourselves to channel imagination and innovation. We can train ourselves to achieve greatness, too.

I don't think I'll be auditioning for the NHL any time soon, but I know my writing is getting better with practice.

Outlining

"Balance the need for thoroughness and perfection with the flexibility of delaying closure, and of moving ahead, for the moment, with the chain of ideas"

I have to admit, I wasn't all that excited to read the outlining assignment at first glace (I'm sorry Donna, I know you were really excited about it!)

I figured...it's outlining. Isn't outlining pretty basic? Or at least one of the more basic steps in the writing process?

I did find a few things quite helpful, though.

Three things that really stuck out to me: balance, patience and clarity (I've had that new song "clarity" stuck in my head for days now, so that might have something to do with it!)

Balance and patience. This is crucial.

The outline I've come to use regularly, is probably the same one everyone else has been taught since we were little.
Intro > Main Point (transition) > Next Main Point (transition) >  Next Main Point (transition) > Conclusion

My introduction and my conclusion are the most tedious parts of anything I write. I, like most writers, want to start strong and finish with a bang. Usually, my introduction will take hours. HOURS, I tell you! I want the most comprehensive overview of my content that is humanly possible. Content can be tricky at times, yes. Citing can be exhausting, yes. My content and citations aren't always (okay, maybe "are never" was what I meant) perfect, yes. But I've rarely submitted a paper with an introduction I wasn't proud of.

That's a terrible way to approach a paper. If I rest such importance on the beginning (and the end) the middle gets neglected.

I also lump in the introduction and conclusion with being completed in the pre-writing process. Essentially, a pre writing process for me is doing the introduction, the conclusion, and formulating titles for the main points in between. Not good. These parts of the paper are not pre-writing. Pre-writing is pre-writing!



Edit: --Morning BDS--


"Is it all necessary?"


I kept this question alive in my head as I sat down to work on my Politics & The Media paper. I began with a 10 minute meditation, followed by 20 minutes of writing with a 5 minute break at the halfway point, and ended with a written reflection. 

Is it all necessary? This is such a simplistic but profoundly helpful question to keep in mind, particularly when writing about politics. In this class, my writing should assume the reader is privy to the broad topics being discussed. I don't need to waste time (or energy!) on self-explanatory areas.

Thoughts to self while pre writing:

- you don't have to explain who this public official is
- you don't have to expand on the reasoning behind policy stance for each party
- you don't need to define anything that isn't directly related to the variables you're using


I'm comfortable with the draft that resulted. I didn't allow myself to linger on the introduction. I didn't allow myself to linger period. As Boice would say, how can I come up with the best way to say something if I've only just recently thought to use it as a talking point?

I kept it general. When I edit, I will specify further.

It's only a pre-write. It's only a pre-write.

Quick but accurate

Reading like a reporter was a different perspective than what I was used to. 

Actually, I think I've gradually developed a regular habit of reading in the complete opposite way of a reporter. I hang on details. I highlight generously. I re-read thoroughly. I-re-re-read. I'm worried that if I'm quick, I can't be accurate. 

Or can I? 

I think this really depends on what it is you're reading, though. 

Right now I'm reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. I think he's slightly redundant, but brilliant none the less. His main theme throughout the book is consistent and his style of writing is easy to follow. I'm reading bits and pieces of Gladwell because his writing tone is similar to the approach I'm using, or attempting to use, for one of my writing assignments. Gathering information in reporter-esque fashion worked well for Outliers, but I don't know how successful this technique would be for a more complex topic. 

I have to read "Courting Disaster" for another class, so it will be interesting to see if it works for something that I think requires more detail-oriented note taking action. To be continued. 

E

Weddings

Yesterday, I spent my BDS beginning my bridesmaid toast. Well, actually I sat down and realized I had no idea what I was doing, so I closed my lap top and started to research.

I've never been to a wedding. I've been to a lot of funerals though. I hear they are quite different.

Information gathering was...not so helpful. 45 minutes of movie viewing with my roommate Alex (also chosen as a bridesmaid for this wedding) was probably the lazy way to go about collecting ideas. Boice wouldn't be impressed.

We went to "on demand" and pulled up a few options, skipping to the reception in each of them. None of the maid of honors in these movies demanded each member of the bridal party to give a toast that was "two minutes long, at the bare minimum. I know this probably doesn't need to be said, but of course this is expected to be done without a notecard to read from! :) I'll need a rough draft by next Sunday."

(That's verbatim from the group email)

This cannot be normal. Sometimes Alex and I salute each other when we get these emails. We know we're living under a dictatorship until this wedding is over.

Side note: Neither of us are very supportive of our friend getting married this young, but it's her life and we will stand by her decision as expected. I'm finding it difficult to write something like this when my heart just isn't it. 

I turned off the movies and jotted down a few notes from some wedding websites. None of this was very helpful. If anyone has suggestions, please shoot them this way.

I did a 15 minute meditation. I had a mild headache and felt tense in my lower back. I realized loosening my pony tail helped - a tight bun of pulled back hair was uncomfortable.

I tried to start writing afterward, but I didn't get too far.

This is way harder than I thought it would be. Maybe this is a personal problem instead of a writing problem. Yikes.

E

The word "imagination" always reminds me of that song from Willy Wonka

It's refreshing to explore imagination, and new ways to trigger it.  

Seven source minimum. Cite until you're blue in the face. Don't toy with the margins.

U s e  y o u r   i m a g i n a t i o n ! Double space it. Proper header. Don't use lengthy quotes to manipulate the number of pages. 

(Can you imagine how much more enjoyable research papers would have been throughout college if the instructions included that small detail I added?)

"and, in turn, a burgeoning set of ideas seduces writers into writing projects that have no formal, abrupt beginnings. imagination involves writers in prose before they fully realize that they are beginning to write"

I was drawn to this tip above the others, because I think some form of that happened this afternoon during class. I had a clear head during meditation today and was really pleased with my writing, but grew frustrated when I couldn't keep the streak going at home. I typed (and deleted), re-typed a mediocre page for about 15 minutes, but my thoughts weren't translating well. It came so naturally earlier but maybe the idea I've been toying with isn't that great after all. I took a 20 minute break to make some lemonade and people-watch out the window. If I could go back to third grade for a day, today would have been perfect for a lemonade stand. 

I did half of a sudoku puzzle and was about to return to my word document when I decided I wanted to keep using the pink pen I had been using all day. There's something fun and lighthearted about writing in a pink pen. I don't know where I found it, but it's milky and I like it. I drew a little sunflower in the top right corner before I started round 2. This time was better. Writing words, not history homework words or statistic formula words, but real words, is such a different experience. I can hear my voice loud and clear in my head when I'm jotting on a piece of paper. "THIS is what I was trying to convey. THIS is what I wanted it to sound like." 

20 minutes of writing followed by a 10 minute meditation.

I don't know if this is all in my head (it very well might be) but I think I'm on to something. I feel much less...Times New Roman-ish? My mind isn't getting any stimulation from a computer right now. It's too formal. It's an abrupt beginning I know all too well. 

Tomorrow I want to try the suggestion of collecting pieces of ideas and rearranging them to see what happens.  

I can't reference Willy Wonka in the post title and not include a picture. 

E

I never use caps lock, but MAJOR progress.

Boice, you had me at hello.

Control my level of anxiety. What? How? That's...possible? I'm getting anxiety right now over how filthy my keyboard has become. I suppose it wouldn't accumulate this much bacteria if I ate meals on a surface other than my computer. I hear they make pieces of furniture called tables for this specific reason. Too bad mine is covered in paint samples. I move in less than a month, so I'm testing out the attitude of "I'm an adult now, so I think I'll like, buy a crock pot. Then I'll paint my bathroom...you know, to "feng shui" my new apartment so I have a chic East Coast place like I see in all of the movies. I had to google how to spell feng-shui just now. Is that a verb? I don't know. I already exited out of the dictionary tab.  Google isn't a verb. I know this, but I use it as one.

That was quite the ramble. Sorry. Keep reading, there's a happy ending.

Anxiety. Boice says to identify the cause of it and stop it. I thought I needed more direction than this at first. What if there's a combination of causes? I made a mental list of things I'm not allowed to think about...which actually developed into a written list of general topics I'm not allowed to think about. I'll attach a picture at the end of this post.

This month is likely the most stressful I've ever endured. The timing of this course could not be better. I didn't think I had enough will power to halt my anxiety right now. Unless the gentle voice of Donna is guiding and putting me at ease.

Anxiety is something I've struggled with since sophomore year of high school because of a single event that I'll never forget. My older brother got a perfect score on the ACT. A perfect score! He's a C student! Why didn't I get the effortless brilliance gene? I thought about this today, and suddenly I recognized how to combat anxiety. Why couldn't I just be genuinely thrilled for him that day when we were celebrating, instead of being insanely envious in my head the entire time? I wonder if he knew. Probably. He knows everything. Jealousy, and jealousy alone, got me to take this exam five times. I got a 29 the first time, and a score of 28 the following four times. A lot of good that did me. What a waste of time.

My dad was a work-a-holic that gave me purses and a car instead of his time. We never had much of a relationship until recently. My brother willingly took on the dad role when I was about five. He never missed any of my soccer games (one year he had knee surgery the day before state playoffs and showed up in a wheelchair!), he took my pictures at senior prom...point being, he was, and still is, without a doubt the greatest person I've ever known. He's everything to me. And then it hit me.

All of my anxiety comes from competition. It's no secret we live in times of heavy (arguably creepy, but I'll expand on that another time) reliance on social media. I can see what over a thousand people, many of whom I don't even speak to, are doing at all times. Luckily my brother doesn't care much for social media, so I don't have to watch him get 200 "likes" every time something great happens for him (which is often).

Newsfeed:
Kelly "Hired by Goldman Sachs this morning! So blessed for this opportunity!"
Joey "Leaving for [obscure town on a different continent here] to teach kids English for a year!"
Dana "(picture of delicious platter of food here) Having a tres magnifique time in Paris!"

Reluctant "like". Reluctant "like". Reluctant "like".

Why didn't GS offer me a job? Why aren't I selfless enough to spend a year teaching English? Why aren't I in Paris right now eating something I can't pronounce?...Wait, why am I so secretly bitter?

Life isn't a competition. If it is, the only opponent worth competing with is yourself. I shouldn't feel like I'm trailing behind some of my friends. I'm not. For the most part, I'm exactly where I wanted to be at this age. I have things figured out. Even if I didn't have things figured out, I shouldn't be affected so much by what everyone else is doing. It's selfish, even if its in secret.

From time to time I delete all of my social media. The most I've gone without it is about eight months. I did it again before working on my BDS this afternoon, and it was the best my writing has been in a long time.

I wasn't comparing myself to anyone. I just looked over my paint samples. They've been sitting on my kitchen counter for over a week! Decision made in fifteen seconds flat. Pale yellow. I love yellow. I wish it didn't look so terrible on me. This yellow is called "Golden Straw". It's perfect. I'm satisfied. I don't care what anyone else's bathroom in Washington DC looks like, because mine will be yellow.


Apologies for how long this is, and for ranting about my family, but this was an a-ha moment.

I promise my future blogs won't be nearly as long as this was.

See you all tomorrow!

Anxiety free (right after I clean this keyboard),

E

I think I get the blogging phenomenon now...it's oddly therapeutic.

I haven't taken an English course in...a long time. Naturally I've spent a great deal of time writing in college, but I sincerely doubt any of that could be considered mindful writing. I wonder how much better my writing would have been had I discovered this concept before. 

I think my pizza just got here.

I'm back. They went a little heavy on the sauce, but that's okay. Disruptions! Disruptions everywhere. They threaten my focus, even the delicious ones. Disruptions, or intentional breaks taken from writing, both force me to pick up my pen and begin reevaluation mode. Welcome back to the piece of paper E, it's time to harshly critique what you've accomplished so far. Boice says "it doesn't take much to undermine my fragile sense of self-worth". Oh Boice, we might be soul mates. My eyes wander over one word or phrase I no longer like, and I question the rest of it immediately. My right pinky has grown so accustomed to tapping the delete button I almost feel sorry for the poor thing. 

Maybe these disruptions, or intentional breaks taken from writing, are the secret. Today when we paused between writing our BDS', I crossed out 40% of what I had written. Why did I generously expand on describing someone's hair? Does a hair description really deserve an entire paragraph? No. It doesn't. My love for detail leads me so far away from the main point at times. Reflection is a helpful remedy, but I don't know if I'll ever be completely satisfied with something I've written. Is that abnormal? 

Practice, practice, practice.

I'll keep at it,

E